Wow its been a whileeee....
Recently..it seems like i'd been avoiding this blog..I dont think it was a case of busy times or anything...just felt like i could not be bothered. Like that annoying chore you were always made to do..buuuuuut I am back..well due to the fact that I'm in a financial meltdown(lol) and there is nothing else rather to do than to seep back into memories of what I must say was a very entertaining blog to read................after years of neglect.
So.....the lowdown? I've lost my flair..that canny nack of conjuring up words, phrases, insults..actually..to my mother has left me.. I've flown the nest..spread my wings..flooowwwn.............to uni..(severe letdown there)
Dont get me wrong its been amazing....and also very weird...and also some depressing bits. There's also been the ocassional, well actually more of it nowadays since it looks like im not going home, phonecall from the mother demanding she has missed me. We all know though she has missed the regular screamings of my name and rantings that go on in number 74!
There have been endless parties..endless drinking sessions with the rugby lads ending up in a competition of who can down pints and being labelled an animal when yours truly is able to consumer several amounts of guinness without spewing my guts out during the act...AAnd endless laughs with coursemates..
Actually looking back on the utter drab that is above....wooow i've lost a bit here.. not weight, lol believe me i wish that were the case....but flair..unpredictability...its now a case of 'lets tell them you're at uni'..and frankly its looking shit.. Like when the big brother writers run out of tasks and let them jump around in circles for 25mins...oh no wait, they do that anyway..... This looks like when you take the screens to watching a sequel where the first few have been excellent, but the next looks plain, and with every second your eyes take to view...every moment your brain takes to process speech..action..movement.....there's a little brain cell poking you...rather like plankton from spongebob....saying do you really want to continue with this crap?
I think i should just stop here..bow my head in shame..look to tsr for some inspiration.....for it was then my work was at its peak..then i was able to procure..the african masters of killjoy..then..i was able to put...in bold..about blackberry users being the bees knees..(of which i have one now..tragicly lol) but i fear my time is coming up..this short burst of boldness..of immense courage for an african kid to write about the goings on in his home...the house where if i quote Fumbi..."outside is England buuut inside here is Nigeriaaa..."..the house where happenings of women and wine bottles have meant the end of tsr meets and "pat's house"..and the house where i shall always face my doom..as the son of a black man! shit where was i? oh yeh..short bursts......well have we seen the end? or is there an epiphany to come..a rise from the ashes and all that shizzle? until then.....roll on uniiiii :p
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Blackberries......does every one have one now??
ah..the blackberry..what most business men own..what poor men want to own..and what the youth of today steal to ow- oh wait..but the youth of today do own blackberries.. in fact they are taking over the streets with them. About 1 in 10 young people between the ages of 14 and 25 own a blackberry. Their use? it baffles me.. What 15 year old needs to be connected to their work 24/7? is that not what blackberries are for? But no.. they are paraded around in shopping centres and on buses..excitement surges through teenage girls' bodies as a potential boyfriend has 'pinned' them..smiles beam out of their faces as they check out a picture on facebook..and shrieks of laughter engross them as they type with each letter, a pretty damning status about the tramp they are seeing dancing to himself.
Its a hype that experts have not clue to where it has arised. The phones functions itself are not built for the generation of "let's get excited at polytonic ringtones". Everything is built for quick messaging and transferring of important files for men and women of business who need to act fast to make an important sale but it has now become the most adored plaything for teens these days..with people suffering from withdrawal symptoms when away from their precious BB's for a few hours.
It is a funny sight to be seeing statuses on facebook constantly being updated with random nothings just because the owner has a blackberry and is slightly bored..The concept of normality has escpaed them, and they feel they must report to the entire world at that second. pah..
I for one will continue to use my regular phone and not join in with the hype, not absorbing myself into a world of constant message transfers and using my phone as a way to chat up sexy women.. then again, hmm sexy women..i might go place my order for a blackberry :p
Its a hype that experts have not clue to where it has arised. The phones functions itself are not built for the generation of "let's get excited at polytonic ringtones". Everything is built for quick messaging and transferring of important files for men and women of business who need to act fast to make an important sale but it has now become the most adored plaything for teens these days..with people suffering from withdrawal symptoms when away from their precious BB's for a few hours.
It is a funny sight to be seeing statuses on facebook constantly being updated with random nothings just because the owner has a blackberry and is slightly bored..The concept of normality has escpaed them, and they feel they must report to the entire world at that second. pah..
I for one will continue to use my regular phone and not join in with the hype, not absorbing myself into a world of constant message transfers and using my phone as a way to chat up sexy women.. then again, hmm sexy women..i might go place my order for a blackberry :p
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
Young, Dumb and Living off mum
Sitting here, after watching this new series on iplayer, I started thinking....what would happen to me if i was like them..i know the program is purely for tv luls but i was imagining myself to be a lazy tearaway..slouching off in the sofa..ddemanding stuff to be done for me and living off any money my parents earn..LOL funny thing is, i actually am lazy and do slouch on the sofa sometimes demanding stuff to be done..but the rate at which i see it done on the tv is unbelievable
It got me wondering..
what if my own mother were like that to me..instead of being the nagging one she is now..would i turn out to be snobby like one character in the series? would i turn out to be gay? maybe so LOL.. would i turn out to be a rowdy teenager who gets pissed off at the slightness of something not going my way? i'm not sure.. all i know is that these extremes of character are something i wouldnt like to be associated with..whether living in my present situation..or if were fortunate enough, or unfortunate some might say, to be in the situation like the ones we see on the box
Its times like this I like to think of my mother doing a pretty good job on me..even though most of the time im slagging her off in my head..im kinda glad i didnt turn out like something out of gremlins lool..
So if you've got a mother or parent who nags at you for not clearing up the table..one who screams at you for the tiniest of dents on your car lool..or one who generally tells you to piss off anytime to ask for money..in my case..just know in the back of your mind if it were anything otherwise you could be sporting a half shaven head or blowing all your food budget on redwine and pot noodles or even worse..sticking fairy liquid in to the washing machine.. so these random acts of mild violence(LOL) are all done in love to make you the person soceity would love to value in future..
As Mark Twain said...A nation is only an individual multiplied”..i do pray these individuals are not like the ones im watching right now..
Actually i love this other quote from a guy named Edward Abbey.. Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.” ..haahha stir it up in our hearts lord :)
so i urge you, despite the arguments..despite the random walk-outs to your room to sulk..and despite the evil looks..to just smile into their faces..knowing that this is probably for a greater good..:)
It got me wondering..
what if my own mother were like that to me..instead of being the nagging one she is now..would i turn out to be snobby like one character in the series? would i turn out to be gay? maybe so LOL.. would i turn out to be a rowdy teenager who gets pissed off at the slightness of something not going my way? i'm not sure.. all i know is that these extremes of character are something i wouldnt like to be associated with..whether living in my present situation..or if were fortunate enough, or unfortunate some might say, to be in the situation like the ones we see on the box
Its times like this I like to think of my mother doing a pretty good job on me..even though most of the time im slagging her off in my head..im kinda glad i didnt turn out like something out of gremlins lool..
So if you've got a mother or parent who nags at you for not clearing up the table..one who screams at you for the tiniest of dents on your car lool..or one who generally tells you to piss off anytime to ask for money..in my case..just know in the back of your mind if it were anything otherwise you could be sporting a half shaven head or blowing all your food budget on redwine and pot noodles or even worse..sticking fairy liquid in to the washing machine.. so these random acts of mild violence(LOL) are all done in love to make you the person soceity would love to value in future..
As Mark Twain said...A nation is only an individual multiplied”..i do pray these individuals are not like the ones im watching right now..
Actually i love this other quote from a guy named Edward Abbey.. Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.” ..haahha stir it up in our hearts lord :)
so i urge you, despite the arguments..despite the random walk-outs to your room to sulk..and despite the evil looks..to just smile into their faces..knowing that this is probably for a greater good..:)
Sunday, 25 July 2010
Insert quirky blog title here..
So yes..heelloo..this feels like im having my own show..except im staring at a screen with no auto cue..damn :(..anyhoo after my debut attempt i have been told blogging needs to be quirky..wierd..with slighly pungent views or erratic language but something that is an entertaining read..seriously wtf???? i thought it was just a basis of spewing out what was on my mind to the internet..i mean isnt that what people do these days?
Anyhoo..this is technically meant to be day 2..but i felt in the mood for writing more so hey lets goo..
This weekend was very eventful, and this story is going to end with my mum having a rant again..i think im mostly going to rant off her rants on here lool..so be warned..
Right so yes hey, its partytime in a suburb of west london called feltham..yours truly has been invited to grace that function by a lovely girl in the lower year..generally excited..imean she has a trampoline..how awesome lool..so here comes the hurdle at which i most fall at when it comes to places i have to go to..asking for permission..yes, people my parents are the type that which one has to state the exact where abouts of where one is going at least 48hours before said event..even sometimes that is too short notice and leaves you pondering how you got stuck with these two..
The other problem with what i like to nickname 'the african masters of killjoy' is that if one decides to take the conditions of stating the exact whereabouts of where one is going too literally, then one might find that before a sentence is finished a thunderous two letter word hits your face like a baseball dented into your sides from an excellent strike of it..so the easy option to take, its to lie your way out of it..an action which has become second nature to me when any situation involves them..the art of using anything as and advantage was my forte..saying the 'house captains' had to "help out" at a school event to get to go to parties was a regular line and the best thing was that it worked.. anyway, so you guessed it..i lied through my teeth to be able to go..it worked..i played the 'a bunch of guys, playing video games and eating out of the fridge' card..:D..so very proudly on saturday evening i got dressed and was about to leave the house into a night of drinking and wild antics untiiiill..i got stopped just before and was asked to give the address off said party hosts house, for i was to be picked up.......
I shat my pants...shit..but i had lied and said i was going to guy friends house..what the fuck to do? here my improvisation came handy..made up a story about another guy friend going on holiday in the early hours of the morning, which meant he would have to be picked up, so i would get a lift from him..reluctantly they let me go..and feeling smug i left the house to enjoy a night of silly drunkeness and intense trampolining and came home fairly wasted but content at my nights work.....or so i thought!
Fast forward to sunday..today..its evening and in order to gain better internet signal i'm sat downstairs with the 'rents..all is well apart from the general complaints from my mum that i dont talk to her much, but im a guy ffs what do you expect..anyhoo she suddenly breaks out with the question 'so why didnt you let us pick you up yesterday?'..again im sat there thinking oh fuck..i cannot say i lied and didnt want you to know i was at a house party getting my face into pint glasses of straight vodka..so with my failing improvisation i conjured up a sentence which upon second thought will come to ruin the rest of my days here..i blurted out in the moment..'"but mum at 18, getting picked up from a party is not a good look and isnt cool"..which you know, doesnt sound so bad does it..Nooo..not with them..she suddenly broke up into a random tangent about me using that word 'cool' and the next thing i know shes going on about how my friends will think "at 18 its cool to be drinking, sleep around and its cool to be having std's"..i am now suddenly helpless to her suggestions..i cannot defend myself because i brought this upon me..and i am left having to be silent and just taking it all in because i cannot say to her that she is talking drab because i am doing 75% of what she is complaining about behind her back..:emo: in fact sometimes i feel like one day i might snap and say to her;mum you know what i do drink when i go out all the time, and i have had sex before..and it felt quite the awesome lool..but i fear once i do this it will be the end of my life on earth..so for now i must succumb to this misery..until i can gain my freedom..which by the sounds of it, i'd have to have graduated uni and be in a job before :(..
On a side note..there has been an ongoing argument with me and a friend over ironing..she thinks its a waste of time that i spend my sunday afternoons doing heaps of ironing for the house and it makes me look gay..which yes i admit it does, but surely there are benefits to having your clothes ironed all the time and looking fresh and crisp..i know she will be reading this so please i need some comments defending ironing..and defending men who iron..ffs lool!
Anyhoo..this is technically meant to be day 2..but i felt in the mood for writing more so hey lets goo..
This weekend was very eventful, and this story is going to end with my mum having a rant again..i think im mostly going to rant off her rants on here lool..so be warned..
Right so yes hey, its partytime in a suburb of west london called feltham..yours truly has been invited to grace that function by a lovely girl in the lower year..generally excited..imean she has a trampoline..how awesome lool..so here comes the hurdle at which i most fall at when it comes to places i have to go to..asking for permission..yes, people my parents are the type that which one has to state the exact where abouts of where one is going at least 48hours before said event..even sometimes that is too short notice and leaves you pondering how you got stuck with these two..
The other problem with what i like to nickname 'the african masters of killjoy' is that if one decides to take the conditions of stating the exact whereabouts of where one is going too literally, then one might find that before a sentence is finished a thunderous two letter word hits your face like a baseball dented into your sides from an excellent strike of it..so the easy option to take, its to lie your way out of it..an action which has become second nature to me when any situation involves them..the art of using anything as and advantage was my forte..saying the 'house captains' had to "help out" at a school event to get to go to parties was a regular line and the best thing was that it worked.. anyway, so you guessed it..i lied through my teeth to be able to go..it worked..i played the 'a bunch of guys, playing video games and eating out of the fridge' card..:D..so very proudly on saturday evening i got dressed and was about to leave the house into a night of drinking and wild antics untiiiill..i got stopped just before and was asked to give the address off said party hosts house, for i was to be picked up.......
I shat my pants...shit..but i had lied and said i was going to guy friends house..what the fuck to do? here my improvisation came handy..made up a story about another guy friend going on holiday in the early hours of the morning, which meant he would have to be picked up, so i would get a lift from him..reluctantly they let me go..and feeling smug i left the house to enjoy a night of silly drunkeness and intense trampolining and came home fairly wasted but content at my nights work.....or so i thought!
Fast forward to sunday..today..its evening and in order to gain better internet signal i'm sat downstairs with the 'rents..all is well apart from the general complaints from my mum that i dont talk to her much, but im a guy ffs what do you expect..anyhoo she suddenly breaks out with the question 'so why didnt you let us pick you up yesterday?'..again im sat there thinking oh fuck..i cannot say i lied and didnt want you to know i was at a house party getting my face into pint glasses of straight vodka..so with my failing improvisation i conjured up a sentence which upon second thought will come to ruin the rest of my days here..i blurted out in the moment..'"but mum at 18, getting picked up from a party is not a good look and isnt cool"..which you know, doesnt sound so bad does it..Nooo..not with them..she suddenly broke up into a random tangent about me using that word 'cool' and the next thing i know shes going on about how my friends will think "at 18 its cool to be drinking, sleep around and its cool to be having std's"..i am now suddenly helpless to her suggestions..i cannot defend myself because i brought this upon me..and i am left having to be silent and just taking it all in because i cannot say to her that she is talking drab because i am doing 75% of what she is complaining about behind her back..:emo: in fact sometimes i feel like one day i might snap and say to her;mum you know what i do drink when i go out all the time, and i have had sex before..and it felt quite the awesome lool..but i fear once i do this it will be the end of my life on earth..so for now i must succumb to this misery..until i can gain my freedom..which by the sounds of it, i'd have to have graduated uni and be in a job before :(..
On a side note..there has been an ongoing argument with me and a friend over ironing..she thinks its a waste of time that i spend my sunday afternoons doing heaps of ironing for the house and it makes me look gay..which yes i admit it does, but surely there are benefits to having your clothes ironed all the time and looking fresh and crisp..i know she will be reading this so please i need some comments defending ironing..and defending men who iron..ffs lool!
who said all what a black man talks about is the size of his penis?
right..so this is my first attempts at blogging..at first i thought this would be something cool..hip..wait why the hell did i jsut say hip..makes me sound like some gay indian from a russel peters sketch....anyhoo erm yeh..but as i was discussing with the gf, it may turn out to be an internet diary..and im a person who hates writing diaries because im a guy, and frankly a diary will make me look even more gay..as if liking musicals, twilight, westlife and having girl best friends doesnt make me join the gay west london community..*sigh*
over the course of these writings you may realise i incorporate some expressions into my thoughts..some of you may refer to these as 'tsr smileys'..i just like to think of them as my new found language..i cannot text or send an email without adding a :rofl: or a :E or most of the time, :sexface:..i usually get complaints but ah what the heck..once you know what you're typing and what you mean..these added touches make you smile a lot more..
The object of this is to make you, the reader..whoever you are..laugh, cry, smile, scream, gasp, whatever..just dont jizz on your screen..i wouldnt want to clean up that mess..
Did anyone else intend their first blog to be a mega post of nothingness and then halfway through see that you're stuck in a lull and this might be a massive fail, well ive just got that now..but im ploughing on..feeding you guys with whatever shite i can wing off the top of my head and use it..whats that stuff called in acting? improvise..yes thats the word..if only i could do that a lot more, instead of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time..especially to my parents..classic example here..so my gf comes over..and she brings a bottle of wine, and we share it..'twas nice..i liked her being here, after that had been consumed..as a sensible boy i put the bottle in the recycling bag, thinking oh i shall save the environment after polluting it in the hours before..(for those who didnt get this i meant noise pollution :hubba:.. ) but nooooooo a few hours later my mum finds the bottle..by chance..i mean which mother digs deep into the recycling bin? wtf..so yeh she angrily calls me down and starts an interrogation session.(dw the improvisation problemo is just here) she screams 'where did you get this from' and me, trying not to reveal the fact that i had a woman in the house, which would have been worse, pu tthe blame on 'the guys i had round after a football match' her anger is subsided but still she has a moan about bringing friends here and doesnt trust patrick and my other mates anymore..sorry paddy..i now cannot use "pat's house" as a viable excuse to get out of the house and on to tsr meets..if only i had made something else up on the spot..ah well..i dont get much freedoms anyway so why was i expecting any different..
hmm that was quite the essay..but at least ive got htis first one out of the way..very much more shall follow lool
over the course of these writings you may realise i incorporate some expressions into my thoughts..some of you may refer to these as 'tsr smileys'..i just like to think of them as my new found language..i cannot text or send an email without adding a :rofl: or a :E or most of the time, :sexface:..i usually get complaints but ah what the heck..once you know what you're typing and what you mean..these added touches make you smile a lot more..
The object of this is to make you, the reader..whoever you are..laugh, cry, smile, scream, gasp, whatever..just dont jizz on your screen..i wouldnt want to clean up that mess..
Did anyone else intend their first blog to be a mega post of nothingness and then halfway through see that you're stuck in a lull and this might be a massive fail, well ive just got that now..but im ploughing on..feeding you guys with whatever shite i can wing off the top of my head and use it..whats that stuff called in acting? improvise..yes thats the word..if only i could do that a lot more, instead of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time..especially to my parents..classic example here..so my gf comes over..and she brings a bottle of wine, and we share it..'twas nice..i liked her being here, after that had been consumed..as a sensible boy i put the bottle in the recycling bag, thinking oh i shall save the environment after polluting it in the hours before..(for those who didnt get this i meant noise pollution :hubba:.. ) but nooooooo a few hours later my mum finds the bottle..by chance..i mean which mother digs deep into the recycling bin? wtf..so yeh she angrily calls me down and starts an interrogation session.(dw the improvisation problemo is just here) she screams 'where did you get this from' and me, trying not to reveal the fact that i had a woman in the house, which would have been worse, pu tthe blame on 'the guys i had round after a football match' her anger is subsided but still she has a moan about bringing friends here and doesnt trust patrick and my other mates anymore..sorry paddy..i now cannot use "pat's house" as a viable excuse to get out of the house and on to tsr meets..if only i had made something else up on the spot..ah well..i dont get much freedoms anyway so why was i expecting any different..
hmm that was quite the essay..but at least ive got htis first one out of the way..very much more shall follow lool
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